She knows the roads but not the way
by Peacechips
Summary: Brienne of Tarth has seen much of the north and yet in all her time there, she never found her way to Lady Catelyn's home, Winterfell. [Unbeta'd, so expect mistakes!]
1. Chapter 1

Don't own any of these character.

Thanks so much for the encouraging comments on my previous fic. I'm attempting something longer this time (Eeep!) As always feedback (good or bad) would be great!

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Brienne of Tarth had become well acquainted with the north. She came upon many villages, some abandoned, many burnt down as she made her way up deeper into the north. She's been to the wall, and beyond. She has fought creatures out of terrifying dreams, the Others and the dead that rose up as Wights.

Along with Ser Jaime, Lord Commander Snow, the Night's Watch, Wildlings and even Dragons, they were able to defeat the legions of the unholy creatures after fighting for months and months. The wall still stands, as does the Night's Watch under Lord Commander Jon Snow. _He's not a Snow anymore._

Brienne still doesn't quite understand how she survived the war.

She has seen much of the north and yet in all her time there, she never found her way to Lady Catelyn's home, Winterfell. She had heard about its rustic splendor and also about its tragic destruction. All that remained were ruins and the ancient weirwood tree.

Over a year after the war had ended, Brienne finally made her way to Winterfell, with Lady Sansa, to deliver her back home. They had heard life was slowly seeping back into the north. Surviving Northerners still loyal to House Stark had returned to Winterfell and the surrounding villages. Rehabilitation was in full swing, all they needed was their queen.

Lady Sansa had been living in Tarth under Brienne's protection as agreed upon by the queen on the iron throne. Sansa had no wish to visit King's Landing again but they had gone there all the same when they were summoned by the queen. None of the Lannisters were present while they were in the capital. Brienne dared not enquire after them but she heard whispers.

She had not seen Jaime since they parted ways almost a year ago. She headed back to Tarth with Lady Sansa, and Jaime to Casterly Rock where both his siblings awaited him.

Lord Tyrion undoubtedly was the reason Jaime still had a head, apart from his heroics in battle. He was asked relinquish his position as Lord Commander and told to never set foot in King's Landing again unless summoned by the queen. It seemed a small price to pay for freedom.

Sansa and Brienne, accompanied with few Tarth banner men traveled for days, only making a few stops along the way to Winterfell. As expected, the castle was in ruins but Brienne could appreciate what a sight it must have been in its former glory. War had wasted away and corrupted the earthy grandeur of this castle; quite like it did to the former lady of this house.

Many northerners were present at the castle to receive them. Lady Sansa was welcomed with open arms. Reconstruction was slow but there were enough chambers still standing for them to live in.

Brienne helped Sansa settle in, she remained there for over a month but it was time for her to leave. She was the lady of Evenfall hall, and her father required her presence back home.

And so it happened, few days before her departure, Lady Sansa received her first guest, Lord Tyrion Lannister. Lady Sansa's husband, from a marriage never consummated, nor annulled.

Brienne did not know if the Lord's sudden appearance was troubling for Sansa. She did not want to leave Sansa alone and told her as much. Sansa assured her that all was well.

"I'm to be queen in the north, Brienne. It is my birth right. I believe there are many surviving northern houses still sworn and loyal to the Starks who will support my claim. What better husband to have at my side than the Lord of Casterly Rock, the queen's favorite. He asked me what I wanted. He asked me if I would like to remain his wife. And if I wished it so, our marriage would be annulled. Do not fear for me Brienne. I am amongst my people again. I know my duty. I have made peace with it. I could do worse than him. I almost did. He has never been cruel to me. You should return home, your father needs you."

Brienne acquiesced. On her last night as they all supped together, Brienne finally plucked the courage to enquire after Lord Tyrion's older brother.

"He is well, My Lady."

"Is he still at Casterly Rock?"

"He wasn't when I made arrangements for Winterfell, or else he would have accompanied me. My brother has taken to riding off to Gods know where for long spells. At times he goes away for days and weeks on a whim. I suppose he is free to do so, now that he has been relinquished of all his former responsibilities and it falls to me to look after Casterly Rock."

Brienne nodded. _Yes, he is free to do as he pleases, and free to marry whomever he wants._

Brienne barely spoke again that night. Early next day, she left for Tarth, leaving behind a teary eyed Sansa. Brienne would miss her dearly. Her strength and quite dignity so reminded her of Lady Catelyn. She is finally home where she belongs.

_I have kept my oath, My Lady_.


	2. Chapter 2

Don't own any of these character. As always feedback (good or bad) would be great!

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Spring spread its wings over the seven kingdoms, and with it came hope and promise of peace. After one of the longest summer, the winter had barely lasted 4 years. It baffled maesters everywhere. The septas at Tarth came up with tales of how the White Walker's cold breath prolonged the winters and the Dragon's fiery breath melted it all away.

Spring in Tarth was always beautiful; the sapphire waters shimmered in the sun. Brienne had wonderful memories swimming in the sea and lakes with her brother, Galladon as a child, until his drowning.

She was a winter's child like her father; they were sturdy and strong, built to withstand the cold and other elements. Her siblings were children of summer like their lady mother, gentle and fragile. All of them have perished.

Her father had tried to keep her from the water for the longest time after her brother had died, but she wouldn't listen. She would sneak out and swim with the other children. Then, Brienne turned ten and experience a sudden growth spurt. No one wanted to play with her after that.

With the queen's support, Lady Sansa was anointed the Queen in the North. The Tyrells and Lannisters were no longer considered the great houses they once were. They did not hold positions of power except Tyrion Lannister, husband of Lady Sansa and a friend and adviser to the Mother of Dragons.

Brienne received ravens from Winterfell every month. It had been almost a year since her last visit. Sansa begged her to visit again in her letters; to come see the progress, how Winterfell has been built anew. Brienne dearly wanted to go but her duties as lady of Evenfall hall kept her busy. She had taken over as the Master-at-arms. She would also assist her father in governing of the land, which to her dread often required her to gown herself as a lady. It was at Pod's request who yearned see his Lord Tyrion and his bride again, that another visit was decided upon.

Her only reluctance was on her father behalf. Lord Selwyn assured his daughter he would be fine. "I survived years with you away at war. I can survive few weeks of your absence, child."

With that, she bid her father adieu and set out with Pod. It was only when Winterfell was in sights, she allowed herself to admit the truth. Nothing would have kept her from going to Winterfell. Her heart beating faster than her mare's feet beat the ground.

It was Sansa's last raven that had removed any doubts, "He has come to Winterfell.", Sansa wrote. "My Lord's older brother. It is my duty as his good sister to love him but memory of Bran sometimes leaves me embittered towards him. I still do not know what I feel for him. I know he is responsible for my safe return home as much as you are; and he is yours and my lord's favorite. Perhaps for your sakes, I will grow to love him."

As soon as they reached Winterfell, Brienne and Podrick were lead to the great hall and were received by the lord and lady of Winterfell. Sansa threw herself at Brienne and hugged her fiercely. Brienne was glad for her stature then or she would have toppled to the floor. Podrick who was so full of excitement just moments before, now was lost for words.

"Ah, Podrick, my good lad." Tyrion stepped forward. "You've grown tall. Forgive me, Ser Podrick Payne. I believe the former commander of the King's Guard knighted you in the field of battle."

"My Lord." Pod bowed his head.

"He earned it." said Brienne, "He saved me and Jai – Ser Jaime a dozen times."

"For which I am grateful, Ser Pod." said Tyrion. "Hard to believe you are the same boy who shouted "Half man!" with rest of King's Landing. "

"That was a fearsome night, Lord Tyrion."

"Aye. That it was. You saved my life as I recall."

Pod bowed his head again, and beamed at Tyrion.

"I must say I'm rather proud that my former squire served and trained under such an honorable knight such as Lady Brienne."

"It has been my life's honor serving you and Ser- Lady Brienne."

"Careful now Pod. Don't call this high born lady "Ser" in my brother's presence, or he'll cut your ba –

Just then the heavy set doors were thrown open, and in came the knight in question. He was breathing hard, and he clutched his ribs with his one good hand. He walked in as he scanned the hall. His eyes settled on Brienne, and he paused momentarily in his stride when she looked directly at him. He walked right up to her and stood in front of her. He was still breathing hard, sheen of sweat on his brow.

"My lady." said Jaime Lannister and bowed his head.

Brienne could only stare. Only now she realised how starved she was for the sight of him. He looked older, yes, but still as majestic, healthy, strong and dangerous. His hair was still golden so was his beard but with flecks of grey in them. His eyes were the same sparkling emerald.

She does not know how long she held his gaze without uttering a word, simply drinking in the sight of him. She was startled when she heard someone clear their throat loudly. Immediately, she could feel her face burn, and the mischief in those green eyes made it worse.

"Ser Jaime." she croaked, clearing her throat, trying to regain her composure. She could have sworn she heard lady Sansa stifle a giggle.

"It is good to see you, wench." said Jaime, still standing close to her.

But the spell was broken, "Brienne!"

"Brienne." he repeated with a true smile, devoid of any mischief. It made her heart swell. He gently lifted her hand and lightly touched his lips above her bruised knuckles. Brienne could not breathe for a moment.

Regrettably and fortunately Jaime let go of her hand quickly and diverted his attention towards Pod. Brienne stood still, her heart was beating so fast and loudly, she was surprised no one could hear it. Jaime and Pod spoke for a bit then Tyrion suggested they retire to their chambers until supper. A servant was called upon to help Podrick but Sansa herself showed Brienne to her room. Jaime and Tyrion moved towards the table, a servant already pouring wine into their cups.

"Ser Jaime was at the practice yard." said Sansa as they walked together to a part of the castle Brienne had never been to before. "He must have seen the horses being taken to the stables and came running. You should see the young boys he trains here. The look on their faces, trained by Ser Jaime Lannister himself. They both find it very amusing of course."

They walked up the stairs leading up to a corridor. "This part of the castle was rebuilt first. It faces away from the courtyard and is farthest away from the kitchen and affords most privacy."

They stopped in front of the first door they encountered. Before Sansa opened it, she pointed at the door on the opposite wall.

"That's Ser Jaime's chamber."

Brienne nodded,"And yours?" she asked Sansa.

"At the very end of the corridor. I'll show it to you tomorrow."

Before she could help it, "And Lord Tyrion?"

Sansa smiled, "He is my husband, Brienne. He shares my bedchamber as he does my bed.

Brienne bit her lip and frowned.

"Brienne, I know you have your doubts as you and all of King's Landing know that our marriage was only a political alliance. And I must admit I did not expect myself to be happily married to such a man but as I've come to know him better, I've learned to love him. He is kind and gentle."

Brienne smiled as she clasped the young queen's hands, "Then I am happy for you, dear Sansa."

Sansa opened the door and stepped in. Brienne found her things were already arranged around the room. Sansa sat down on the bed as Brienne removed Oathkeeper and carefully placed it on a wooden table. Sansa spoke after a pause.

"I found ser Jaime quite changed."

"How so?" Brienne ignored how her heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of his name.

Sansa shrugged lightly. "He is not the same man he was when last he was at Winterfell."

"He has been through a lot."

"Indeed. And he has done many wrongs and he has many faults but now I comprehend what you see in him. There is good in that man."

Brienne simply nodded.

"And perhaps he is even worthy of you."

Brienne eyes widened. She turned away to hide her face but it was too late.

_Am I so transparent?_

"I don't know what you mean. It's not like that. We... we... There is nothing between us but friendship."

Sansa stood up and came to Brienne, "If you say so."

Brienne was sure Sansa did not believe her. She wanted to explain but knew not what to say. Sansa gave her quick kiss on the cheek.

"Rest now, Brienne. We'll talk more later."

She turned to leave but stopped at the door. "Oh, I almost forgot. My brother,well, my cousin Jon well be coming to sup with us tonight. And don't worry, Tyrion and I don't expect you wear a dress for dinner. There is no need to stand on ceremony here. This is your home too as much it is ours."

With that Sansa left. But Brienne had barely heard her. She sighed. How could she explain to her that there was indeed nothing between Jaime and her. No words of love were ever spoken between them. They've never shared a kiss. Though they have held each other to keep warm at night, shared beds and bedrolls on the floor, it never went any further. Even though, many a times, Brienne hoped it would.

It was no use. Try as she must, the walls she build around herself of years of practice and abuse crumbled at the sight of Jaime. Beauty and kindness were her undoing, she knew it. And for her, Jaime was the embodiment of both.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for your encouraging comments on the previous chapter.

Not my characters. Feedback (good or bad) is welcome!

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Soon after Sansa left, a servant girl, Ara, came up and asked if Brienne would like her to draw her a bath. _It would do me good_, she thought, _calm my thoughts_. Once the bath was drawn, she dismissed Ara, striped down and stepped into the pleasantly warm water. She sighed, already feeling the tension leave her bones that had built up after riding for days. Her eyes drifted close. Though her body was restful, her mind refused to be. Flashes of memories came rushing back.

_Brienne fighting for their lives as Lady Stoneheart and Thoros of Myr watched. Ser Hunt succumbing to his wounds inflicted by the outlaws. Dark haired Lady Sansa at the Eyrie. The cold pale blue eyes of a wight. _

She woke up with a start. Before the bathwater turned uncomfortably cool Brienne carefully stepped out and wiped herself down. She donned her small clothes and went and lay on the bed. Yet sleep did not find its way to her eyes, only memories and tears.

_Jon had requested her to take Sansa to Tarth. "Protect her. Keep her safe, my lady. This is no place for my sister. The north is in chaos. Order needs to be restored. I will send word when it is safe to return home." Sansa was at Castle Black, with others who could not bear arms. When she reluctantly agreed, the four of them, Jaime, Brienne, Sansa and Pod rode off together. _

_Brienne had hoped Jaime would join them in Tarth, help her keep Sansa safe. _

_Or escape. _

_She would have made arrangements for a ship to carry him away to the Free Cites if he wanted. She suggested as much to her own shame. "You would have me run? Do you still think me craven?" was his only response. _

_She should have realised then what was to come. Word had reached them that Lord Tyrion was with the Dragon Queen in the capital and that she wanted Jaime Lannister brought to justice for her father's death._

_They made their way towards Tarth slowly and carefully. They made camp in the woods and took turns keeping watch. They mostly avoided inns for the fear of being recognised or captured. As it is they were overcrowded with northerners, merchants and sell swords, all slowly making way to the capital to catch a glimpse of the new queen and her dragons. _

_The journey was hardest on Sansa who was still unaccustomed to sleeping on bedrolls in the wilderness. Sometimes they sent Pod, since his was the least recognisable face of the lot, to check if rooms were available at a nearby inn. One night they were lucky enough to get two. Late in the night when most of the crowd had dispersed, they made their way into the inn. Jaime and Pod secured the horses at the stable. Sansa and Brienne went to their room. Brienne noticed there were still many men, merchants by the look of them, drinking at the tables. _

_The girls quickly changed out off their soiled clothes. It was too late to request for a bath. Sansa fell asleep as soon as she lay on the bed. Brienne too had almost fallen asleep when she heard a light knock on the door. She looked over at Sansa who did not stir at the sound. She opened the door and was surprised to find Jaime there, wrapped in his travelling cloak._

_"May I have a word my lady? _

_Brienne nodded. _

_"Outside. Do you mind if we step outside?" _

_She quickly agreed for she did not wish to wake Sansa. She put on her cloak and followed him out. They walked quietly towards the stables. Dread seeped into her bones as soon as she noticed Jaime was wearing his ridding gloves, "Ser, what is it? Are you – are you going somewhere?"_

_Jaime sighed, he turned around to face her. "Yes, my lady. To the capital."_

_"No." Brienne almost shouted. "Jaime, please don't. She will have your head."_

_Jaime gave her a thin smile. "I'm aware." _

_"Then I'll come with you. I will tell her all you've done. I will beg for your life."_

_"Yes, and that worked so well the last time you tried."_

_Brienne winched as if he had struck her. Lady Stoneheart had again paid no heed to her pleadings. It was only when Thoros of Myr reminded her that Brienne at kept her oath by delivering the lion had she been allowed to fight for their freedom. _

_For a moment, she fell silent, but only for a moment. She could see Jaime regretted his words. "This is different, Jaime. I will – "_

_He touched her arm in apology and to silence her._

_"No Brienne. You will do as you promised Jon Snow and take lady Sansa to safety."_

_"Then, take Pod with you." She tried desperately. "I will take Sansa to Tarth, then ride up to Kings Landing as soon as I can."_

_"You will do no such thing, wench. I don't want you there."_

_Brienne eyes stung with tears. After all we've been through, he will leave me thus? _

_"Jaime, don't say that?" her voice barely above a whisper._

_"Brienne, I go to certain death. I will be imprisoned again, I will be humiliated. If I am fortunate, the queen will give me a clean death. If she is like her father, she will roast me alive. I don't want to you witness that. I want you to remember me, sword in hand and brave." _

_He paused for moment. "Let me do this, Brienne. Let me try to be the honorable man you foolishly think me to be."_

_Boldly, she gently touched his cheek, and Jaime closed his eyes at her touch, "But you are honorable, Ser."_

_"Then let me go."_

_Tears rolled down her face._

_"I have lived my life without regret, Brienne. I only wish I had – I had"_

_He could no longer speak and turned his face into her hand. She felt his breath and lips on her palm. She removed it as if burnt._

_Jaime voice shook as he spoke, "Promise me you will not send me any ravens, that you will not come visit me."_

_"Is my presence so intolerable to you, Ser, that you will keep me from you now?"_

_"Gods, you are still thick as a castle wall, wench!" He said forcibly. "Can you not see? You - - you give me hope I can't afford to have." He shook his head. "I-I will not have you dragged down with me. I will not have your name sullied more than it already has because of me."_

_He grabbed her shoulders, "Promise me Brienne! Give me your word."_

_She did not speak for the longest time. Then she nodded._

_Jaime exhaled sharply, and rested his forehead heavily against hers._

_"I've tried to do right by you, wench." He whispered desperately, "Have I wronged you? Tell me, have I dishonored you in any way?"_

_"No, Jaime. You have not dishonored me." she whispered back, her tears falling freely. _

_And that is how they remained for a moment. Their white breath mingling as they breathed heavily. Their lips only a whisper away but never met. _

_Jaime pulled away. He clasped her hand. She looked at him as she felt something pressed into her palm. She met his eyes. They were shining with unshed tears. _

_"Then I take your leave, Lady Brienne of Tarth."_

_His hand slipped out of hers. He turned and walked to his saddled horse. He mounted quickly, and gave her one last look then rode away._

_Brienne stood there in the cold for a long time. Her fingers tightly curled into a fist. Eventually, when she went back to her room, she gently unfurled her fingers of her right hand and looked at what Jaime had discreetly slipped into her palm. A small sparkling sapphire. _

Brienne felt tears on her cheek. She had kept her promise to him. She never wrote to him and never tried to visit. Even later when she heard that he'd been pardoned by the queen. She heard that he had confessed all. He had begged that his sister be spared as well as their two surviving children who had no claim to the throne. Many knights who had fought by his side in the north came to his defence, but it was Tyrion who spoke up for him that had spared him his life.

Jaime never wrote to her, never came to visit. This had pained her greatly and oft she wondered why he still kept himself from her.

But he is alive, he is healthy, he is whole. That is all that matters.

Ara returned to inform her that supper would be served in about an hour. Even though Sansa had said she need not wear one, she wore the only dress she had carried with her. The same blue Septa Donyse had picked for her at Jaime's behest.

She did not bother to look her reflection once she was ready. She walked to the table and picked up Oathkeeper. The blade had survived the war unscathed. However, the Lion's head on the pommel had a ruby missing. Jaime had japed about it as soon as he noticed; _"Now you have two wounded lions to contend with, one without a hand, the other without an eye."_

She looked at the Lion's head now, one eye, blood ruby, the other sapphire blue, Jaime's parting gift to her. She placed the sword back on the table and stepped out of the room.

She walked down the corridor stopped at the top of the stairs as she noticed someone at the bottom. She knew it was Jaime even if she could only make out his silhouette in the dimly lit stairwell. She walked down slowly. He turned around at the sound of her footsteps. She stopped again to watch him. He allowed it as she allowed him to do the same. Then, Jaime covered the distance between them, and offered his right arm. Without hesitation, she wrapped her arm around it. They fell into step and quietly walked down to the great hall.

Supper was a pleasant affair. Sansa smiled and nodded appreciatively at her dress. Brienne told her it was only for tonight. The men japed as they supped, laughing raucously. Sansa smiled patiently at her lord husband whenever he made a particularly vulgar jape. Brienne found herself smiling as she watched the two. The she wolf and her lion.

_One night during their journey from the Vale to the Wall, __Sansa shared her fears with Brienne, "He will come looking for me. Lord Baelish will not let this slight on him just pass." It was Jaime who had spoken then. "Then he'll have the Lannisters to answer to. Pretend all you like, Lady Sansa, but you are still my brother's bride. You are a Lannister."_

Jon talked about the battle beyond the Wall and how grateful he was to have Jaime and Brienne at his side. "My men oft remember you, my lady. Many swear they have never seen a braver and more fearsome warrior than you."

Brienne blushed, unaccustomed to such open praise.

"Yes, the lady is quite a sight with her sword in hand. I recall I found her quite evenly matched in skill and strength when I first clashed swords with her."

"Evenly matched?" Brienne looked him. She could see his eyes sparkling with mirth. He hid his smile behind his cup of wine. "You could barely keep up with me, Ser. You managed a few scratches and cuts, I'll give you that. But it was you, sprawled on your back in that shallow brook in the end."

"It was not what I would call a fair fight. I was starved and my hands were bound."

"We could have another go If you like."

"That would please me immensely but you would of course have to fight with your left to make it truly fair."

"How would that be fair when you've had years to strengthen your left hand? My left would be as useful with a sword as -"

"A limp cock?"

Brienne immediately felt her face burn. Tyrion chuckled, while Jon looked bemused by the exchange.

"If you two do spar again, my gold's on you, my lady. But you must forgive my older brother. He is a sore loser. He's not had much practice, you see."

"Aye, little brother. You should have seen me when I lost my sword hand." He looked at Brienne. "I would not be here if not for this stubborn, pig headed wench."

Tyrion cleared his throat. "And you, Tyrion. Because of you I still have a head."

"And it is such a beautiful head, brother. I pray you never lose it."

"Here, here!" said Ser Podrick Payne and they all drank deeply from their cups. Soon after, they all decided to retire to their chambers. Jaime came to Brienne and offered her his good hand and helped her up. Together they trailed after Lord and Lady of Winterfell. Jaime left Brienne at her door and moved to his. As he opened his door he said, "Mayhaps on the morrow, we shall dance again my lady."

"If it please my lord." said Brienne, smiling as a lightness spread through her body.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry about the delay in update! RL got in the way! None of these characters are mine :(

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Brienne woke up with a stream of sun light on her face. She quickly got out of bed to look out her window and as she suspected the sun was high in the skies. She was surprised she slept well and for so long. She breathed in the cool northern air for a moment, a smile on her face. There was a light knock on the door. Still in her small clothes, she quickly moved back into her bed and pulled the covers over herself. "Come in."

It was only Ara. "M'lady you're awake. Lady Sansa had asked me to see if you needed anything."

"Why did no one wake earlier?"

"M'Lady said no one was to disturb you. She is away with Lord Tyrion. They should be back soon enough. May I draw you a bath? I can have some food sent up. It is well into the day, you must be starvin'." Brienne nodded, her belly rumbling.

After a quick bath and meal, Brienne made her way down to the practice yard where Jaime was training a few young boys. She stood by a wall and watched them quietly. The boys looked enraptured as Jaime moved his sword in his left hand. Brienne followed Jaime's movement. It was graceful and powerful. She knew he still mourned the loss of his sword hand, but with bitter work he had relearned and mastered the skill with his left. With sword in hand, either hand, he was beautiful.

Brienne stiffened as she realized one of the boys had spotted her. A woman of her stature would hardly go unnoticed for long. Jaime turned around to look at her then spoke to that boy who immediately hung his hand and moved to a corner of the yard. Jaime called upon one of the older lads to take over and made his way to her.

"My lady, you finally grace us with your presence."

"My lord", Brienne bowed her head.

"Have you eaten?"

"Yes, quite well." He smiled, "Good."

"What did the boy say?"

He shook his head, "What ever he said, he will not say it again."

Brienne looked at him curiously, as some men passed by acknowledging them, "My lady, Ser Jaime."

"Ser Jaime. Ha!" said Jaime, as the men moved away from them. "How it must wound them to call me that. I don't think any of them ever imagined that a lion would be the lord of Winterfell one day. Do you know, it has been almost a year since anyone's called me by other name? It's quite astonishing."

"Many of these men fought alongside you. Perhaps they finally see you for the knight you truly are."

Jaime looked at her and smiled. A smile he reserves for moments when she says something he deems childish or naive. On any other face she would call it an affectionate smile. "Yes, you would think that, wouldn't you?" Brienne rolled her eyes at him.

And this is where Sansa found her. Jaime bowed his head at Sansa, "I take my leave. My young charges await further instructions. They are an unruly lot, I'm afraid." He glanced at Brienne then walked back to his pupils.

Brienne felt Sansa watching her. "What is it?"

Sansa shook her head, smiling wide, "Oh nothing I'm sure." She wrapped her arm around Brienne's and tugged her forward. They walked around the castle then headed back inside to Sansa's chambers. They settled in comfortable chairs near the window as Sansa talked about all her new duties. Brienne listened to her intently.

Brienne had come too look upon Sansa as a sister. Her friendship was a gift for Brienne who had mourned the loss of all her siblings. The Mother had blessed their house with four children but saw it fit to take away three and their Lady mother as well. Sansa had lost everyone as well. _I only have father, and she, Jon._

She remembered how they rescued Sansa from the Vale. Jaime was forced to stay behind as his face was known to most.

_"Tell me Lady Sansa. Do you wish to leave this place?" Brienne asked of her when she finally found her. "I will take you north to your brother Jon, if you wish it. Or I will stay behind here with you and keep you safe." Sansa had clutched her hands, her eyes shining, pleading, "Take me home. Take me to Jon." Brienne had confessed all, only leaving out the fate of her Lady mother and thank the gods Sansa had believed her._

_They had escaped into the night. The moment they reached Jaime, Sansa had screamed, "Traitor! Liar! Curse you!", as she beat against Brienne's bound chest. Briennn held her tight to keep her from running. It had taken rest of the night to calm her down. _

_It was clear Sansa did not trust them but had resigned herself to her fate. She cursed herself for not recognizing Lord Tyrion's squire sooner. Only as they headed deeper into north, did her doubts began to dissipate. _

_Sansa stayed close to Brienne, whom she considered the lesser evil of the lot. She slept as she did and kept watch with her. Slowly they begin to talk. Sansa spoke of Winterfell, and Brienne, of Tarth. It became clear to both women, though in many ways they were the opposite; their physicality, one favored the sword, the other a needle; they were much alike at heart. Naive dreamers, the both of them, left so changed by the war._

They both went down together to the great hall where the men had already assembled for supper. It was to be Jon's last night as he had only come down to personally thank Brienne for Sansa's safe return as he was unable to do so at her last visit. They were half way through the meal when Jon brought up the Knight's Watch. Jon looked at Brienne and said that she would be welcomed if she ever chose to take the black. He talked about the many women who had joined their ranks since the war.

"Wildling women?" Tyrion asked.

"Yes", said Jon. "All of them strong fearsome warriors."

"And you would like the Maid of Tarth to be the first highborn lady crow?" continued Tyrion

"All I'm saying is that we would be honored to have you as one of us, my lady." addressing Brienne.

"You honor me, Lord Commander with your offer." She looked at Jaime who had not partaken in the discussion. He was glaring at Jon with barely disguised annoyance, his hand clutching his cup tightly. He looked down as he felt her eyes on him.

After supper, Jon bid Brienne goodbye as he would leave at first light, "I hope to see you again, my lady." Jaime and Brienne were again last to leave the table. Instead of their rooms, they walked towards the practice yard. The night was cool but pleasantly so. Jaime picked out two tourney swords from the armory, and threw one at her. Brienne caught it deftly. She looked at the dulled blade in her hand. _This is what Vargo Hoat gave me to fend off a bear. I would have died if not for Jaime._

"May I have this dance, my lady?"

They moved together, their swords clashing and the sound of metal filled the night air, along with their laughter whenever one managed a hit.

"All this talk about taking the Knights Watch during supper, I sincerely hope you're not seriously considering taking the black?" asked Jaime after he's suffered a good rap on his shoulder.

Brienne ignored his question, and moved forward adding more force to her strokes. Jaime continued, not losing a step, "Honestly if you do, it would be most inconvenient as I might feel compelled to follow you there and the wall is no place for an old cripple like me."

Brienne scoffed, "Old cripple indeed."

Jaime suddenly stopped. Brienne stayed her hand as well.

"Which reminds me of something Tyrion had mentioned," he said without a hint of humor, "It seems the Dragon Queen was quite taken by the notion of a Lady knight in her Queen's Guard when she heard of you. Did she ask you when you at the capital?" He looked at her curiously waiting for a reply.

Yes, she too had heard talk of her being chosen to be in the Queen's guard but talk of another sort had made its way to the queen's ear from Riverrun and from the North. 'Kingslayer's whore' they called her behind her back.

"Brienne?"

"No sh -she did not, it does not matter. My place is at my father's side. I have provided no heirs. The duties of Evenfall Hall will fall to me once my Lord Father passes."

She finally looked at him. His grip on the tourney sword had tightened and his face was taut with anger. "I see."

"What was it that those brotherhood bastards called you?", he asked after a pause.

She did not answer, he didn't expect her to.

"I hope you had a chance to defend yourself."

"It doesn't matter, Jaime."

"Of course it matters. It matters to me."

Brienne shook her head, 'It doesn't matter what I say. All they need to do is look at my sword." _That is all the proof Lady Stoneheart had needed to judge her guilty of betrayal. _

Jaime nodded, "Familial pride would not allow me to do it for you but if you like you could replace the scabbard and find a good smithy to try and alter the pommel."

Brienne smiled, "I would never alter it, ser. It is my most prized possession; an unrivaled gift. A gift I still feel unworthy of receiving."

Jaime looked at her for a moment. He moved closer to her before he spoke, "It is I who is unworthy Brienne, not you."

His voice shook, his eyes had the same look of desperation they had the night he left her and before she knew it she found herself asking, whispering, "Why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you at least write?"

Jaime looked down at his right arm. His mouth opened and closed, almost searching for words. When he looked up, he spoke with a sad smile on his face, "I wrote you a hundred times my lady."

"I did not receive any ravens."

"Because I did not send you any. What I wan- needed to say should not be said in a letter. As it is my letters were barely legible. My swordplay may have improved but I'm afraid my penmanship is still quite poor." He looked down again and spoke very carefully, "And I did not think it wise to come to you soon after my time in the capital."

She knows not what he saw in her face but he moved in even closer. 'Do not think me cruel, Brienne. So many times I left home trying find my way to you but one thing or another would pull me back to Casterly Rock. I almost made to Tarth about a year ago but on my way I received word that my brother was at Winterfell, as were you. I would have come directly but my sister sent for me again. Tommen, you see, had taken ill. He is a sweet innocent boy. I went back for him. I stayed till he recovered then I came here. Hoping you would come back, that Sansa would write you and you'd come, so I could beg your forgiveness." He looked at her expectantly.

"Will you not say anything?", when she still did not respond, "Curse me, strike me or kiss me. Something, Brienne."

She said the first thing that came to her mind, "You're a fool, Jaime Lannister."

Clearly not the response Jaime had expected by the surprised look on her face. "My little brother would agree with you."

Brienne shook her head. "Jaime, my home is always to open to you. Whatever you have done and whatever you've said, it matters not. You're my friend, my one true friend." She gently jabbed at his chest with her finger. "You will not keep me from you again."

Jaime swallowed. He flattened her hand with his over his chest and nodded. She could feel his heart beating. _As fast as mine_.

"Promise me, Jaime. Give me your word." She smiled at the amused look on his face as he recognized his own words.

"I give you my word." Then he smiled, his true smile that makes her heart swell. "I have missed you wench.", he whispered.

"And I you."

* * *

Notes: I want to seriously apologize for all the grammatical errors, and if anything seems OOC, and whatever else you hate about this chapter or this fic. I've come to realize that I suck at the whole multi chp thing! I;m gonna stick to one shots and ficlets. But don't fret, there's no way I'm abandoning this. There are just two more chapters to go. I'll try update as soon as I can.

Thanks for reading. Feedback would be great esp constructive criticism.

ETA: Guys, I'll update in about a week or so. I've not abandoned this fic. Thank you so much for your comments!


	5. Chapter 5

For people who are still reading this fic, thank you, thank you and apologies about the long delay.

Grammar is not my friend. Also, I'm afraid sometimes I forget things (book canon related things) so I apologize before hand if you notice any glaring discrepancies.

I don't own any of these characters.

* * *

A week passed as Jaime and Brienne eased into their new routine. Brienne would join him during the day to help train the young lads, and every night after supper, they returned to the practice yard and danced to the old familiar tune and beats of the swords. It was remarkable how easily they were back to their old selves around each other, as if they've never been apart. As if nothing had changed.

In truth, so much had changed; he had changed. For so long the notion of loving another was unthinkable. Cersei, it had always been Cersei. So when it did happen, he didn't recognize it at first and when he did, he was powerless to stop it.

Craven was the word that came to mind as he lay awake at night, just like he had when he was imprisoned. In the dark of night, alone, waiting for death, how he'd hoped she would break her oath and come to him. _Craven. Is that not why I truly waited for so long to see her?_

He had never doubted himself with Cersei. He could not recall when they began, but there was never any doubt. A child's courage is different. He hated that he doubted himself with Brienne. But then, he did have so much to lose now. He could lose her. Sometimes he believed he saw desire, even love in those bright blue eyes; there was a time he believed his sister would always be faithful to him.

* * *

Jaime watched Brienne has she worked with the young lads. Within a short period, they were all quite taken with her, even the rude whelp he had chastised. _She is good with them. She may fight like a knight but her heart is gentle and kind like the maid, like the mother._

After training session was over, instead of going back inside, they decided enjoy the sun and the cool air the day had to offer. They walked together in amicable silence, until Jaime recognized the path they had taken, as did Brienne who came to a stop.

"It's only a tree, Brienne."

"No, it's not. Sansa prays here."

"Yes, she comes here to pray to a tree with a face covered into it. It's still just a tree. _Ned Stark's heart tree._ I once had the most intriguing dream while taking a nap on a stump of one such tree."_You were there, protecting me._

She still seemed hesitant so he gently grasped her hand and tugged. She let herself be led towards the heart tree. It pleased Jaime she made no attempt to pull her hand out of his grasp however clammy it had already become. They came to a stop under the tree where he finally let go of her hand. He noticed how she ran her fingers over her palm without quite realizing, as she looked above her. "The leaves look stained with blood, yet they are beautiful." she said with almost childlike wonder.

"Yes." agreed Jaime, watching her. "Surely you've seen one these before?"

"Weirwood trees, yes, but a heart tree, only from afar. Never been this close to one. Standing here it feels different somehow."

Jaime nodded. He felt it too or mayhaps he's losing his mind because before he knew it, words were spilling out of his mouth, unintended, unrehearsed. "I killed the king that I swore to protect. I loved my sister with all my heart. I sired three children with her, one of them a monster. I tried to kill an innocent boy to protect my family. I've killed men, I've killed boys, I've killed unholy creatures. I've done all those things but I've never been married." A chuckled escaped him, Brienne looked at him strangely; he didn't blame her. He felt strange, brave, free.

He shook his head at her bewildered expression, and because he was about to do something stupid. "Brienne, my brave wench, I have a great favor to ask of you?" He tilted his head, watching her face carefully, "Make an honest man out of me."

Brienne swallowed, "You're the most honest man I know, Jaime."

Jaime gave her a look, "Brienne," he said softly.

"What are you asking of me, Jaime, speak plainly."

"I thought I was." Jaime sighed and took a step forward. "I'm asking you to be my wife? Plain enough, wench?"

She winched at the word, "Why?" was her only response.

_Oh, this is going splendidly_, absurdly he heard his brother's voice in his head. "Why? Why does a man ask his lady to marry him?"

"His lady?" Brienne scoffed. "Jaime, what is this?"

"I thought I had made it very clear, it's a marriage proposal."

Brienne looked a bit agitated. "I don't understand. Is this some sort of jape?"

"Jape? Do you really think I would do that to you? I assure you, my lady, I am in earnest."

Brienne still looked unsure, unbelieving, it angered Jaime. _Does she still think me so little and cruel._ "If my offer displeases you so, you are free to refuse me."

Anger and sadness were reflected back her eyes.

"What about her?" she whispered.

Jaime stiffened, _Cersei._ "What has she got to do with anything?"

She laughed bitterly, it suited her ill. "Everything you have ever done in your life has been for her, has it not? You cared so little for your own life but begged for hers on your knees, and yet you stand here expecting me to believe your offer."

"And what of the things I've done for you, Brienne? Do they not count?"

Tears stung her sapphire eyes, "You and I - we did those things out of loyalty, friendship, because that is what knights do, we protect each other."

"And those are the only reasons, my lady? Are you so sure?"

She bit her lower lip, clearly trying to hold back her tears. This woman, so strong, so sure with a sword, stood in front him so fragile and afraid. Jaime cursed those men, those ungrateful bastards who mistreated and hurt her so, that she would doubt his word now. He also had himself to blame.

"Brienne." he said gently. He stepped forward his one hand outstretched, he moved cautiously as if approaching a wounded animal. She flinched, tears now running down her face. "I - I can't ..." She turned around and fled. He watched her run away, fearing he might have destroyed the last of what he holds dear in the world.

* * *

Tyrion looked around the table as young Pod regaled the guests with yet another ser Jaime and lady Brienne's tale of valor. It amused him greatly that this sweet brave boy kept company with four accused Kingslayers. But tonight what amused him most was his brother's ill concealed attempts at catching lady Brienne's attention who had surprisingly reverted to her old taciturn self. He looked at his lady wife questioningly, who simply shrugged her delicate shoulders. After supper, Brienne was the first to leave the table. She politely excused herself and almost ran away, with his brother barely out of his chair looking after her.

_What have you done now, brother?_

Tyrion was not surprised to see Jaime already seated at the table in the morning. He did not acknowledge his presence, simply stared at his plate, his food untouched. Tyrion sighed as he sat down. "So how did you offend the lady?"

Jaime looked up, a smile on his face that didn't reach his green eyes, "I asked her to marry me."

"Aye, that would do it."

"That woman would gladly lay down her life for me but her answer to my offer was to run away in tears."

Tyrion could barely bite back his amused smile. "Go on, I'm glad my misery amuses you, little brother."

"Oh cheer up Jaime. All men should know rejection once or twice in their lifetime. Most of us experience it young, now is your time. It builds character."

"Builds character." Jaime tasted the words in his mouth. "Is that what she was doing then, refusing me all those years? Helping me build character?"

It took a moment for Tyrion to realize he now spoke of their sister.

"Give it a little time, Jaime. Mayhaps lady Brienne is unaccustomed to receiving such attentions and needs some time to make up her mind."

Jaime shrugged. Then picked up a cold strip of bacon and bit into it.

Tyrion smiled. He had to admit he quite enjoyed this little role reversal.

He had forgiven Jaime. What he had done was abhorrent, and yes, unforgivable but our dear father's greatest talent was to make men do the unforgivable at his command. He had seen it happen since a young age. Mayhaps he'd expected too much of Jaime, only one of his family who gave him any the right to. He could not imagine what his childhood would have been like without his brothers kindness.

When Jaime was on his knees in front of the dragon queen, he did not ask for my help nor beg for his life, only his children, only Cersei. _What he did was unforgivable, yet when I saw him bent and broken, I forgave him._

* * *

It has been three days since Jaime last spoke to Brienne. They only saw each other at supper. She did all she could to avoid him. He lay awake two nights, painfully aware of the woman sleeping just a door away. The third night sleep eluded him as well. It had been many hours after supper. Jaime guessed it was about the time he and Brienne would return after sparring.

Jaime stepped out of his bed. _Some cool night air would do me good._

He walked down towards the practice yard. He noticed the armory nearby was dimly lit and walked towards it. And there she was, looking as sleep deprived as him. She was sharpening Oathkeeper with a wet stone. Jaime thought it was not the most ideal time to approach her but the decision was taken out of his hands. As soon as she saw him she got up to leave.

"Brienne."

She stopped and her eyes met his for a moment. He did not see any anger nor hatred, but pain and sadness in them. _Eyes like mine, only blue._ His words were stuck in his throat, choking him, he swallowed slowly as she walked away. _Is this how it's going to be between us now? __She walks away from me as if we were strangers. As if we never bled for each other, we've not seen the world burnt down around us._

_Strangers like me and Cersei._ After years of waiting and wanting they were together at last, free to be lord and lady of Casterly Rock, their home. But they were likes ghosts trapped within the castle walls, simply passing through each other. A mere whisper of what they once were together. Neither willing to forgive nor forget.

Only Tommen made his life bearable at the Rock. He marveled how innocence still survived in that child. His sister, he would not begrudge her this. He never doubted her love for their children. Tommen still called him uncle even though he very well knew the truth. _The child did not despise him for it. Not like Myrcella._ Ravens from Dorne came but rarely and were always only addressed to Cersei, who always has been and always will be her mother.

* * *

Lady Brienne would be leaving within a week's time and clearly they had made no progress. He thought about asking his lady wife to intervene but it seemed Brienne had closed herself off from her as well.

Sansa had come a long way from blindly hating Jaime but he could not ask her to convince her friend to wed the man who had done her brother such harm. She would in almost complete certainty inform me that lady Brienne deserved better and she wouldn't be wrong._Sansa deserved better as well, she deserved more than me._

So it was up to him then. He would not have meddled at all if he believed the lady to be indifferent.

Tyrion walked under the mid day sun and headed straight for the stables where he was told Brienne was. She and Podrick were feeding their horses. Podrick smiled and bowed his head as he saw Tyrion approach, "My lord."

"Ser Podrick. My Lady, may I have a word."

"Of course my lord."

"Podrick, my good lad, would you mind giving us a moment? You could help my brother with his charges if you like.

Podrick smiled and almost left when he seemed to realize his mistake. He looked at Brienne questioningly, who nodded with a smile. He gave them both an apologetic look before leaving.

_Poor lad, his loyalty torn between the two of us._

Tyrion turned his attention to the lady who had moved away from the horses and was wiping her hands with a cloth. _Leave it to my brother to choose a woman like her; the opposite of our dear sister in every possible way._

"Is anything the matter, Lord Tyrion?" she asked once her hands were clean.

"Tyrion would suffice, my lady." She nodded. "No everything is fine. Well, just about. My brother, you see, has become rather dull, don't you think? He seemed cheery enough not few days ago."

"Did he ask you to speak me?" she asked almost sharply.

"Gods no." he said, then added gently, "Though he did tell me what ails him."

Brienne looked down at her hands, her shoulders slumped.

"You may rightly think it is not my place to speak, but he is my brother. It pains me to see him so miserable."

She did not speak nor look up.

"I must say I am rather surprised.'

Still looking at her hands, she said, "As am I. I do not know why he asked me. I – we haven't even – we"

"My lady," Tyrion interrupted "You misunderstand me. It's not my brother's offer but your refusal that has surprised me." She visibly stiffened and finally looked up at Tyrion.

Tyrion took a small step towards her and spoke again. "I do understand your hesitation. The Lannister name is not what it once was, nor is my brother the man he once was. But you already know this. I would have thought that to you these things would not matter."

"They don't. They never did."

"Then I'm at a loss. Why did you refuse him?"

The war that raged in her mind was clearly reflected on her face. She took deeps breaths to steady herself, "He has only ever loved one woman and she still lives."

"Yes, she does indeed and mayhaps you're right." Tyrion shrugged his shoulders. "He does love her still and always will. She is our sister after all. But I think he has come to realize she is not the woman he thought she was. She has betrayed him, she has wounded him deeply, my lady."

"Mayhaps his offer to you was out of friendship and respect. People have been married for less or worse, Lady Brienne. My lady wife and I were forced into matrimony by my monstrous father. Now, I count myself lucky to have such a wife though undoubtedly she could have done infinitely better for herself. With time, she has found it in her heart to think kindly of me.

Tyrion took another small step forward and gently took one of her large hands in both of his and looked up her. Her blues eyes were shimmering in the sun. "I believe you know Jaime as well as I. You know what he is. Mayhaps, you do not know you own heart and that why you refuse him. But I do not doubt his, nor should you my lady."

Tyrion gently let go of her hand and waddled away.

* * *

Brienne watched Tyrion for a moment, then looked at her hands and clutched one with the other to keep them from shaking. She expected tears but she did not cry. She had cried enough for herself and for Jaime. So immersed was she in her own pain, her insecurities, she was blind to his. She had even hurt Sansa as well who had tried to speak to her. Brienne hardly knew where to begin, how to explain to her what she was feeling when she herself could barely comprehend it.

I have wounded him, She thought. She did not believe herself capable of wounding a man like she has Jaime. A sense of shame overcame her. _I did this, and for what? I must find him. I must speak to him._

* * *

As the children walked away laughing and singing with young Pod, Jaime noticed Brienne standing near the wall of the armory. He approached her cautiously, wiping the sweat of his brow, "Brienne."

"May we speak, my lord."

"Of course."

They walked together in silence, the same route they had taken that day. They almost reached the path that would take them to the heart tree, that's where Brienne came to a stop. She turned and faced him.

"I owe you an apology, ser, for my behavior. I should not have doubted your word. But I – I ..."

Brienne looked away and did not speak.

_I suppose I have my answer now._ 'And yet you refuse me?'

She looked back at him. She looked almost relieved, 'I - I'm not built for matrimony, ser. I'm not like other highborn ladies who –

"I don't want you to be like other ladies. Do you think I expect you prance around in dress, be an obedient little wife? Do you think I would ask you to change anything about you?"

Jaime continued without waiting for her response. "Or is it simply the notion of fucking an old cripple that repulses you? On that account I can't be of any help. If take a wife, I do intend to fuck her to my heart's content."

As expected she blushed miserably. "It's not that, Jaime."

"Good. What then?"

She took a step towards him as she spoke, "My-my first betrothed, he died when I was but seven. Only few years before I'd lost most of my family. There was only my lord father and I. I knew then I would not marry, I would not bear children. I only agreed to meet the other two suitors to appease my lord father. One refused me with a rose and the other, I suppose, when I broke his bones."

Jaime's left hand curled into a fist at the mention of the rose but his grip slackened in surprise. "Broke his bones? Why?"

"Lord Humfrey Wagstaff informed me I would need to be a proper lady or suffer his chastisement. I in turn informed him that I would suffer chastisement only from a man who could outfight me. He, as it turned out, could not."

After a moment's pause Jaime burst out laughing. Brienne couldn't help but smile in return.

Jaime placed his good hand on her shoulder as his laughter subsided, "My brave wench." His hand moved up to gently cup her cheek, "I make no such demands of you."

"I know but my answer hasn't changed.'

Jaime was about to move his hand when Brienne placed her hand over his. "But I swear to you, my friendship and my heart are yours if you will have them."

Jaime breathed in deeply and nodded in assent. Brienne placed both her hands on his chest as his hand moved to her nape. She moved forward and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Jaime released an exasperated sigh. "Seven hells, Brienne! I think I deserve more than that. You did just refuse me, you ungrateful c-

Her large lips cut off rest of his words. Her hands moved into his hair and deepened the kiss.

Mayhaps another man would have been put off by her clumsiness, her hesitation, her inexperience but he found her inept lips intoxicating. He exulted in the freedom of experiencing such intimacy out in the open. He shivered as he felt her tongue brush against his, as he heard her moan, as she whispered his name against his lips.


End file.
